wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
