Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
