I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
