at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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