I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
