You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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