i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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