I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
and you fell through a lawn chair
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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