Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
