He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
