then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
