Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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