My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
