Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Green mimosas i think yes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
