It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
