Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
