margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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