we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
