Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
