Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
