just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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