Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
