you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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