Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
