I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
