I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
