I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
