Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
