She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
