I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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