God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize