I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
