Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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