I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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