he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
