you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
