I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
