you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm too high and old for this...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
