we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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