Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
