Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
