shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
