At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize