ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She needs sedatives and a leash
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
