i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize