Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
