He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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