It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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