dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
