so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
