My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
