you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize