I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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