We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
