I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
