I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
