Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
