I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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