No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
