GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
