no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
