Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
