She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
