get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
