its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
