We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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