I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
